Dear Tissue Thief,

I understand that you may have needed a tissue. However, my desk is not a supply room. Things on this desk are not for public use nor consumption. I purchased these tissues with my own money. They are for my use, just as things on YOUR desk are for YOUR use.

Oh, and coming behind me, in full view of my computer monitor, to take that tissue, without even so much of an "excuse me" or "do you mind"? So very not cool. Learn to respect personal space and boundaries.

And yes, the "not for public use" I just wrote on the tissue box? That's totally about you.

No love,

Me.

Dear Applicant,

Seriously? You're going to put your spittle-encrusted styrofoam cup on my desk and leave it there? What is wrong with you? Did you stop to consider asking if there was a trash can to leave your germ-infested detritus? Whatever gave you the idea that littering my workspace was acceptable? Do I come to your office and drop used kleenex on your keyboard? I didn't think so.

No love,

Me.

Dear Neighboring Tenant

FedEx screwed up this morning and delivered an envelope that was meant for you to our offices. Being the kind soul that I am, I took it upon myself to go to your floor and deliver this misdelivered item to its intended recipient. I thought, perhaps, that since it was sent priority overnight that may have been of some importance, and therefore would ensure a prompt delivery, rather than wait for tomorrow for the FedEx person to arrive again to hand it off.

Do not reward my kindness by telling me to "wait here" and then disappear into the bowels of your company. I don't work for you, or your company, and my time is not for you to waste. So I'm sure you'll understand that I ignored your order and placed the envelope on the countertop. If this isn't to your procedure, you can fire me. Oh, wait. I don't work for you. Okay, maybe you can make a comment in my performance review? Oh, wait. I. Don't. Work. For. You.

No love,

Me.